Aloha! I hope your week is off to a fabulous start! Recently I saw someone post about relationships in her life and how she felt that they were hindering her growth. That got me thinking about my journey. In 2013, I started to dive into personal development and I’ve worked with a lot of clients since then. I talk to people about personal growth and implementing changes in their lives for the better. Could be for a career, personal health or relationships. Whatever it is for them, they’re looking to create something different in their lives.
As a consequence to that growth, they sometimes find that the people in their lives may come across as negative. And sometimes I’ve seen people just burn that bridge down as a result. The feeling is ‘why aren’t you’re supporting my dreams? You’re so negative.” As a result, they let go of people too quickly. So I wanted to differentiate what I’ve discovered personally and what I’ve seen in other people’s lives play out. Hopefully this will help you better discern when to break free of a relationship that just isn’t working for you anymore or when to stand fast and be in a relationship. I can honestly tell you since doing all of this work, becoming an entrepreneur and growing my business, I’ve had that conversation with only one person. I had to let them go, but it wasn’t in a negative, horrible way.
I felt that I wasn’t being respected and honored. Whenever I would get around that person, they were always complaining and snapping at me. I never felt good about it. But that was part of my growth, asking for support from people and allowing other people to help me; allowing myself to receive that support.
I like to give that support and I asked this person for support with something very easy and they just weren’t able to do it. I didn’t release them at that moment and say “You’re done.” I called them and I said, ‘I really value our friendship and I feel unheard and unsupported. I was feeling resentful and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but here’s how you can support me. Just send me a text once in a while because I know you’re busy. Just check in with me.’ My husband was deployed and I was feeling emotional and they were not willing to do it. I tried to stay connected with that person but when I did get together with them, it just didn’t feel good. So I quietly went in my direction and they went in theirs. It ended okay and if I saw them today, I’d hug them because I genuinely care about them. But it was time to move on.
You might find that when you’re doing something vastly different than what you’ve been doing and you’re getting ready to embark on a new journey or a new career, you might find the people in your life who love you are going to seem the most negative. They’re not necessarily being negative; they’re just expressing their concern for you, because it’s completely out of the norm for them. So cut them some slack. There’s growing in this journey for all of us. I’ve come to know that we have deep beliefs in our subconscious mind, our paradigms that govern our habitual behavior, our way of viewing the world. That’s often what keeps us stuck in our comfort zone and not in growth mode.
I have paradigms. You have paradigms. We all have them. When we’re working to overcome those deeper beliefs so we can level up our lives, just know that the people around you in your circle have paradigms, too. When they see you taking what seems to be a big risk, they’re trying to protect you. That’s a good balance. I wouldn’t kick somebody to the curb because they have a different opinion from yours. But if someone is emotionally, physically or verbally abusive to you, constantly taking from you and not respectful of you as a person, then it might be time to cut the cords, not with judgement but with love. Fill your circle with people who are on your growth journey, growing at the same time as you. Fill it with people a few steps ahead of you in their growth journey and also with people that you want to pull along with you. THOSE are the people you want in your circle.
I hope this helps to discern when to let a relationship go that isn’t working for you and when to calm down. Sometimes you can just choose to pivot and go in a different direction and gradually start to bring in people who are going to support you in your journey and who you can also support in their journey. Because givers gain. You don’t just want to go on your journey and leave everyone else in the dust. You always want to bring somebody along for the ride!
I hope this helps & I hope you have a fantastic day!